Star Trek: Into Darkness

Well, I tried so hard to avoid reviews before and after seeing Star Trek: Into Darkness.  I failed. But only a little bit, and since it inspired the format for this review…. well, I guess it is okay.

When the first Abrams’s Star Trek was released, I went to see it as a last minute decision, I think. I’m not a Trekkie (I’ve watched ST on and off through the years, but casually not obsessively),  and therefore didn’t have an entire set of expectations for what the movie was SUPPOSED to be.

I loved it.  From start to finish.  From Pine to Quinto. My only real complaint was that Shatner didn’t get to make a cameo. (Still!  Couldn’t they let him walk by the camera in a red shirt or something?! Come on!)

For this new ST, I once again tried my best to avoid all the hype about the film until now, when I can take a moment to process and review the film on my own.  I wouldn’t even talk to Joey or Brad about it in any depth because I didn’t want their opinions to unduly influence my own.  Plus, they’re both smarter than me, so I didn’t want to feel inadequate.

Then, BLAM! Facebook got me.  A friend posted this as a review of the new movie: “The only thing wrong with Abram’s Star Trek is that it misses the point of Star Trek.”

Now, I feel like I have to figure out what the POINT of Star Trek is.  I don’t know what other folks think the point of the show/movie/book/series/franchise/enterprise (yes! another bad pun. I’ll be here all week, folks.  Don’t forget to tip your bartender) is.

I’ll start with why I like Star Trek: because it’s fun.  Yes, it’s fun.  It presents a series of ideas, situations, and characters that are full of possibilities, and it almost always does so with a sense of joie de vivre and, while being serious in imagining an idyllic future world, there’s always been a bit of a tongue in cheek presentation.

Don’t agree?  Well, explain this:

Okay, so costumes were a little iffy back in the day.  This was before computer graphics.

So, how about this:

There’s no way they had Picard deliberately ordering Earl Grey, hot over and over again as a signifier of the long-lasting influence of the monarchy in England.  Nope, it was just fun.

This new film may not get to whatever other folks think the “point” of Star Trek is, but I thought it was amazing. Literally, “causing great surprise or sudden wonder.” 

From the moment the film started to almost the last minute (the credits at the end made me feel dizzy and headachy, not amazed… and there wasn’t even a sneak peak of more Klingons!), I was continually surprised and in wonder.

What else is the point of Star Trek, according to me, the expert-non-Trekkie?  Character that are utterly memorable.  I can tell you that from this point forward, Zachary Quinto will always be “that guy who played Spock,” just like Leonard Nimoy (although when he was on screen this time, I thought, WILLIAM BELL!).  And, woah,  Benedict Cumberbatch as Kahn (more later.  And, that guy’s name does not fit his ability to be so so deliciously ruthless.  His name makes me think of the kindly uncle in a Jane Austen book, who always has scones and tea and crumpets).  Chris Pine once again embraced and redefined the role of Kirk, making him a much more nuanced character, without overtelling.

I haven’t read the reviews, but I imagine that what folks don’t like is Kahn.  In the original series, Kahn was a barbarian genius (love that paradox), who was only allowed to live because Kirk was so far advanced that he could admire even Kahn and see how Kahn and his people deserved a chance to live, despite our much less advanced notions that Kahn should be executed. Okay, let me make this simpler:  Kahn = bad, but Kirk = good because he thinks even Kahn=bad should get to live.

In this new Abrams version, Kahn is the one who is more advanced and is maybe even more advanced than Kirk (we don’t know for sure, since Kirk gets put out of commission and it’s Spock who goes after Kahn).  It’s the rogue members of Star Fleet, those who believe in weapons and war, represented by Marcus (Peter Weller!  Robocop!), who is the bad one (okay, Abram, we get it. Preemptive strikes are bad.  Is this the metaphor for everything in Hollywood now? ) because he (Marcus) manipulates Kahn by holding the people he loves hostage and makes him (Kahn) build weapons so he can kill the Klingons before the Klingons kill the Star Fleet. Kirk recognizes Kahn’s essential goodness, despite his appearance of evil and violence, because Kirk himself knows that he could be pushed to be evil in order to save or avenge his friends.  In this version, we’re not quite sure if Spock is right to almost kill Kahn at the end, but Spock realizes that he too has the human urge to kill.  Wait, human urge to kill?  Is that right?  Yes, the urge to kill is linked with the human urge to love.  We love so much that we’re willing to kill.

So, again, let’s simplify:  Marcus = bad, because he’s killing BEFORE something bad happens and has no regard for innocent lives and chooses war over any sense of empahty.  Got it.  Kahn = good or bad?, but with definite bad tendencies because he’s willing to kill, even innocent people, in order to get back his loved ones, which Kirk realizes is a strong motivator and can drive people to do unthinkable things.  Kirk and Spock = good because they both wait for bad things to happen first, then try to kill.  Okay, that’s a little confusing.

I’m guessing the true Trekkies, who get what Star Trek is really about, don’t like this convoluted message.  It’s much simpler and maybe more admirable in the original versions.  I do like this though, but I think it’s because I’ve always been interested in what makes people evil and how we define that line, that thin, thin line between what is good and what is evil.  Spock’s absolute certainty at the beginning of the film is undermined by the end, when he is willing to kill Kahn until Uhura (Zoe Saldana, who had some really great moments) stops him.  That line, that understanding, is one that we all come to, provided we’re thoughtful people who are willing to question and grow.  A strongly held belief should come under question.  A “what-if” is much different than a “what-is,” and until we’re in that moment, we don’t really know what we’ll do, do we? That’s what Spock learns.

Now, hurry up Abrams. I’m ready for Kahn to come back to life in the next movie!

Random favorite moments:

• The creatures on the red-tree planet drawing the spaceship.  I totally took that as a nod to Ancient Aliens, the best thing to ever happen to Sci-Fi geeks, who want to pretend aliens are chilling out, waiting on us to smarten up so we can travel around with Ford Prefect.  Thanks, NatGeo!  (This ignores the crazy folks who take the show a little too seriously…)
• The nods to the original film, like Spock yelling “KAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNN!” and the dialogue between Kirk and Spock as Kirk dies
• Everything to do with Scotty
• Dammit, Spock, I’m a doctor, not a torpedo technician
• Kahn’s complete silence for the first 10 or so minutes he’s on screen
• Sulu in the captain’s chair (hey, how about George Takei’s cameo!?)
• People in the theater clapping and talking when certain things happened on screen, like when Kahn was revealed as Kahn (though I had figured that out about 1 minute before the movie made it clear)

Not favorite moment:

The random shot of Carol, the admiral’s daughter (Alice Eve), without her clothes on. I mean, I get it. She’s gorgeous.  But, we know that already.  I mean, she’s the girl who played the girl who is out of the Geek’s league.   The original Star Trek had scantily clad women all over the place.  But, they often made SENSE, in terms of story.  The 5 second shot of her hot bod felt pretty stupid, like they HAD to have a naked girl and Uhura wasn’t having it.  Abrams, tsk, tsk.  Next time, you can at least make having her half naked make sense… since she is going to hook up with Kirk and have his secret baby!

Now, I’m off to read some reviews, finally.  Maybe they’ll tell me what the point of Star Trek really is.

Hemlock Grove Review: A Gypsy is a Gypsy is a . . . SQUIRREL! Ooh, yes, Vampires are Greek! No, Roman! Wait, there are Nazis!

Okay, so I know it’s been a while since I reviewed anything, and it’s not exactly a movie I’m about to review.  Last November, I finished my dissertation (Yay!) and after that, the idea of writing ANYTHING made me almost physically ill.  Now, I’m recovered though, so back to reviewing!

Up next, I  will be going to the actual movies to see Star Trek: Into the Darkness.  I already have my tickets. ‘Cause I’m cool like that.

Why did I watch Hemlock Grove?  Well, my friend and excellent writer, Jamie Ridenhour, was watching it, so I decided to check it out.  He gave up, understandably, after episode 7, and I almost wish I had too.  Plus, Netflix told me I’d like it, and I thought Netflix knew me, like really knew me. Oh, Netflix, I thought we were friends and now I’m not sure you know me at all.

I am going to write this Hemlock Grove review in a near approximation of how the show was actually presented, which means there will be no clear sense of order, except some level of chronology (though that will be shaky too), many non sequiturs, and little-to-no sense of transition or unity.  Also, if you don’t like spoilers, go away quickly.  I write reviews for people who have already seen the show, so are therefore already spoiled (ha!  my pun was almost as bad as this show):

• You know, when I was freshperson, I once drank a bottle of wine before a party.  I remember feeling so licentious, so very “breaking the law, breaking the law, breaking the law.”  (I also threw up.  And, then I didn’t drink again till I was in grad school).  Apparently, in HG, there are no laws about teens drinking at all.  I guess that makes sense as no one in this show seems to actually be teenager-ish, except for the two, silly blond girls.  Except, even they kind of seem more like middle school aged with their antics and dressing up, though they have very strong opinions about other girls and sex and appearance and actually use the word “trollop” at some point, I’m pretty sure.  This break from anything close to reality while also being somewhat close to real problems (girls feeling pressure, girls being mean to other girls, hard for girls to enter into sexuality, etc…) pretty much sums up the entire show, when characters act in ways that only kinda, sorta make sense.
• Why does Olivia dress only in white, with an occasional one color accent?  Why is her accent completely unrelated to her back story?  Why does she need those eye drops?  No explanation, except Olivia doesn’t make sense.  I don’t know why, but I’m okay with that for the first part of the show.  Once they tried to explain her, she made even less sense,which again brought me back to “Why does Olivia do anything?”  We just don’t know.
• Clementine’s line:” Quid pro quo, Clarice” was great.  Kandyse McClure would have made a great Clarice.  Now, why did the writers chose to reference Thomas Harris?  I don’t know, but I did like her delivery of the line.
• tzulkameenop:  No, that’s not a real word, but pretend it is and it’s Greek, and therefore really important.  Until it’s not.  Actually, I just wanted to tell you a Greek word.  This show is really just a practice for a vocabulary test.
• Hey, you know what? I’m going to tell you a long story that has some great meaning, all while smoking a cigarette.  If your mind starts to wander, then I’ll totally understand, but just realize that I’m about to say something really important. Keep listening to me as I speak in a monotone voice and smoke, and you should really keep listening to me because I’m telling a story that’s really important.  AHHH! Cut away from the action!
• Speaking of smoking, is smoking making a comeback?  I thought people had stopped smoking in real life and on TV.
• Chalk?  They have chalk!  I had a chalkboard once, about 3 years ago, when I was an adjunct.  It was so hard to find real chalk. Yet, these “teenagers,” found it with no problem.  I had to go to a specialty education store, no kidding. I guess Wal-mart would have it, but I can’t see Roman heading over to Wally World.  
• Hey that cat you love?  The pretty gray one?  Well, get ready.  She’s going to die so Peter can act like a zombie to have a memory.  ’Cause you know, killing cats is a known way to strike up a memory.  And, the memory he sacrificed the cat for?  Well, it tells him the same thing his mom and whatever Destiny is to him have been telling him: Run away.  So totally worth it. Bye, bye Casper, your death is the only one that made me sad. Next up, bacon grease is irresistible to crazy werewolves.  Why did Roman have to fry up 80 pounds of bacon for about 1 ounce of grease?  Oh, yeah, I forget: there is no why.
• Destiny is a prostitute/psychic/scam artist/medium with an amazingly nice apartment.  This doesn’t really make sense, but at least she was scantily clad most of the time she was on screen.
• Peter and Roman saying “Shee-Yit” was totally cringe-inducing.  And, why are Peter and Roman so excited about the baby?
• Holy shee-yit, this last episode dragged on and on.  If the show had been set up as an explanation of Godfrey family, instead of a crazy werewolf gone bad murder mystery, I might be more willing to not be annoyed by this episode. Peter and Roman have a nice bromance going, until Peter runs away and breaks Roman’s heart.  So, Roman is a vampire/angel/werewolf hunter/brother with telekinetic powers who kills his own mother?  And Olivia dies from her tongue being bitten out?  What?  Okay, again, I have to remember: this show doesn’t make sense.

In all seriousness, I wanted to like this show because I love supernatural stuff.  I also like shows with elements that are nonsense and surrealistic.  Really, in spite of my complaints in this review, I do. I love Twin Peaks and hoped this show would capture some of that surrealism, which I haven’t seen on TV since TP wrapped up.  Surreal does not equal ridiculous though. I was superstoked about Famke Jansen (her accent didn’t bother me the way it did other folks) and Lily Taylor.  I just can’t like this show though.  Here’s why:

The show had horrible things happen, like when Roman raped that girl, but for no reason and with no consequence.  He rapes her, then tells her to forget about it, and then NOTHING happens.  While I realize that this actually represents what happens in real life (seriously, if you want to be depressed, go look at how many rape cases are actually tried, then how many of those result in a conviction.  It’s really low and really depressing), I think the show needed to show Roman at least have some sense of guilt about it.  No, he only feels guilty for insulting some guy in a bar.  All the dead girls in this show (because of sexual activity…cause you know, this is still 1569 and we’re all still Puritans), and this rape scene reinforced the idea that women, especially sexually active ones, are so, so expendable.  I didn’t like my stepdaughter reading Twilight, and I wouldn’t like her to watch this show.  This show reinforced so many awful stereotypes and ideas.  I thought we were moving past some of this, really, but apparently, not in Hemlock Grove.

There were some good things about the show though:

• Dougray Scott, Bill Skarsgard, and Joel de la Fuente
• Kandyse McClure. I remember her from Battlestar Galactica, and I still like her.
• The werewolf explanation.  When it finally came, it was pretty good, though I’m not sure drinking water out of mud is THAT depraved. Also, what librarian knows how to change into a werewolf…?  Oh yeah, this show doesn’t make sense.  I did, really, like the line, “That’s the thing with whispers.  You put a thousand of them together, you get a howl.”
• Shelly.  She’s a total badass. I will probably watch the next season because of her, even though it pains me to admit it.

I said this about Jamie’s book before and I’ll say it again, if Netflix wants a werewolf show, they should totally buy his book, hire a hot guy, like Bill Skarsgard (seriously, that Skarsgard family did something right to end up with Bill and Alexander) (On second thought, maybe not him.  He’d actually be a better fit for a thinking- zombie-monster or a Jekyll/Hyde character or maybe Dorian Gray.  Or, hey, an actual vampire!  Maybe they’ll put him on True Blood!), or someone, but definitely not the guy who played Peter, and produce that one.  It is fun and interesting, has a plot and makes sense.  This show, meh, not so much.  It just has too much going on while at the same time having nothing go on.  Maybe a better editor for Season 2?  And, writers, someone please be willing to at least look up the word “verisimilitude,” okay? Oh, and hire some women who don’t hate other women to help you write the script.

If you read this, you might also enjoy this real-time review of HG.

Two good songs in the last episode, here for your enjoyment.  Elektrik People “Make Me a Bird” and Perfume Genius “Sister Song.”

Moonrise Kingdom

 

So, I’ve seen most  Wes Anderson films, I think.  I’ve watched Rushmore, maybe more than once, and I’ve actually taught The Royal Tenenbaums, or considered teaching it or at least watched it during class, something like that.  In general, I like Wes Anderson films.  My problem, though,  comes from the fact that I can’t really remember them; I only remember that they make me feel nostalgic for a time I’ve never known. Even TRT, which for  a while I considered to be one of my top 10 films, well, I can’t quite remember it.  I remember very distinctly certain scenes, like Margot (Gwenyth Paltrow) in the bathtub, explaining to Etheline (Angelica Houston) that the TV won’t electrocute her because she tied it up or the scene where Henry (Danny Glover) falls into the hole at the archaeological dig site.  I remember the colors and most of the clothes of that film, mostly, but I have no idea what Royal (Gene Hackman) wore, mostly because I remember the scene where he’s getting the massage and is, therefore, mostly naked.  And, Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller’s characters and roles in the film, well, those are, right now, somewhat murky.

When I decided to see Moonrise Kingdom, it was partially because I’ve like the Wes Anderson films I’ve seen (I think) and I thought this one looked pretty fun.  But, I also wanted to test out my ability to remember enough about the film to write a review about it the day (or two) after I’d seen it.

Damuscus Hummus, very good stuff

Before I start the review, I’ll say that I was practically in a Wes Anderson film prior to seeing this movie.   I went to a local, Mediterranean place for some yummies, including damascus hummus, a place I’ve been to a number of times but a new place to my friends from out of town.  The restaurant has great food, usually, and this location has better food than at the exact same restaurant at other locations.  The service, though, was not quite what it’d been before.  The waiter’s enthusiasm for Moonrise Kingdom and the Nickelodeon Theatre (the only place showing the film in Columbia) was only superseded by his utter and complete sincere honesty, without any filter at all, so much honesty that it in fact bordered on idiocy.  When asked about an item on the menu, his reply was, more than once, “I have no idea.”  Then, when my MisterE ordered something ) that sounded disgusting to me), the waiter replied “Woah, I’ve never even heard of that.  I don’t know what that is.  How do you spell it?” as he grabbed the menu out of MisterE’s hand.   There were even more moments like that during the brief time that he spent with us at the table.

While in other circumstances, that may have been annoying, I was completely amused.  His honesty, at that level, was hilarious.

As was the conversations and perspectives of the characters in Moonrise Kingdom.  Wes Anderson successfully showed in this film how funny, really, really funny, saying exactly what you’re thinking and being perfectly honest about it can be so surprising and therefore so amusing.  My favorite moment that shows this happened on the Moonrise Kingdom beach, when Sam (Jared Gilman) tells Suzy, played wonderfully by Kara Howard, (after she explains how being an orphan means that his life is more special) “I love you, but you have no idea what you’re talking about.”  There was also a level of appreciation for absurdity in life, like the moment when Sam offered to give the kitten some of the leftover fish parts and Suzy denied that request stating that the kitten only eats Pure Fish kitten food.

Oh, if I had the time and money and energy, this would so by my Halloween costume this year.

Overall, the movie was enjoyable.  The Narrator (Bob Balaban) kept the story book feel that is a Wes Anderson characteristic, plus I found his poses and outfits, especially the gloves, to be hilarious, though the funniest outfit goes to Social Services (Tilda Swinton), mostly because of that wonderful and terrible hat.

So, it’s two days later, and I’m sitting here trying to remember the movie, exactly what happened.  I can’t really. I remember Suzy’s poofy underwear (what a great detail!), I remember Bruce Willis’s  wonderful scene with Frances McDormand.  I remember some stuff about an orphanage and a church show, something about Noah and the flood.

No, wait, it was spelled funny, Noeh and the Fludde or Noah and Flooddeee something like that.  Wait, I’ve never even heard of that,  How do you spell it?

Magic Mike

This blog posting comes from my friend over at Twenty Thousand Roads, who introduced me to the outrageous humor of Kenny Powers… check out my blog here.  As a payback for putting Can on my husband’s Spotify playlist and as a sort of dare, I suggested Joey take his “very pregnant” (I’m quoting him here…) girlfriend to see Magic Mike (a movie I can’t believe he beat me to seeing).  This is his very funny review of the film, which unexpectedly also turned into a bemoaning of the sexual oppression that men face.  I wasn’t aware that men felt so sexually oppressed, given the near constant exposure of women and their bodies in an unrealistic and sexualized manner, but now I know.  Thanks, man.

Magic Mike, or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Man-Ass

Imagine a scenario:  the hottest new movie in the land stars Selma Hayek as an aging but still hot leader of a troupe of strippers, two of whom are played by interchangeable Hollywood starlets like Megan Fox and some chick who got famous for snorting lines off of Lindsay Lohan’s breasts.   When this little movie—let’s call it Destinee’s Destiny—opens, groups of middle-aged men cram the theaters, hooting and hollering at the screen every time Selma slides out of her G-string.   What a bunch of creepy old perverts, you’d think, and you’d be right.  But if you flip the genders, this describes the vibe surrounding Magic Mike, Steven Soderbergh’s new ode to man-ass.

AKA Panty Dropper

When I agreed to review this movie, I didn’t realize what a phenomenon it was going to be.  I lucked out on missing the opening night because the movie sold out faster than twenty-dollar dvd players on Black Friday.  I thought I’d lucked out by missing what would essentially be a bridal shower gone bad, but it turned out the sell outs lasted all weekend.  The first Sunday afternoon showing was also nearly sold out, packed to the rafters with groups of women ranging from sorority girls to grandmothes, all tanked up on church and Appletinis from Outback.  The estrogen was so thick that you could cut it with a knife, and the atmosphere so electric that I actually got heckled walking into the theater.  “Didn’t nobody tell you this was chick movie?” a woman asked as we walked by, looking for seats.  Luckily, I’d gone to the movie with my lovely, very pregnant girlfriend, who was there to fend off the ladies in case things got out of hand.

Mmm, look at that ass.

Before I start my review, let me say this:  I get it.  Every fucking movie ever made is absurdly full of gratuitous T & A, even the ones with supposedly strong female characters.  We live in a culture saturated with images of women as sex objects, so this movie is only turnabout as fair play, blah, blah, blah.   Still, ladies, you need to have a little self – control.  Jesus.  The sight of Matthew McConaughey’s oiled-up bare ass taking up the entire screen speaks for itself.  You don’t have to praise it out loud like you’re at some kind of Pentecostal church service for sinners.  So let’s just calm down and forget about the half-naked men (okay, point granted:  if this was a film about female strippers they’d be full-frontally buck-ass naked for most of the movie) and focus on the merits of Magic Mike as cinema.

Going into the movie, I thought that there were two ways it might go.   Either it would be a dark character study of a protagonist caught up in a self-destructive but oddly alluring lifestyle, a la The Wrestler or Boogie Nights, or, god forbid, it could be a thinly disguised romantic comedy with six-pack abs and taut, hairless butt cheeks as window dressing.   It turns out that Magic Mike splits those two possibilities pretty much straight down the middle.  It’s not a bad strategy, but the result is a movie that often feels like it doesn’t quite know what it wants to be.  It seems afraid to follow its characters down to the depths that it only hints at, and the obligatory love story seems tacked-on.

Not quite this kind of Threesome I bet.

For all its booty-shaking and marketing aimed at horny housewives, Magic Mikeis really a bromance at heart.  It follows Mike, played competently by Channing Tatum, whose moves make it clear that he’s worn a glittery thong or two in his day, and his new buddy Ryan (Alex Pettyfer).  Mike is a veteran stripper and budding entrepreneur, and Ryan is a young fuck-up who bumbles into the stripping business and idolizes Mike. The promiscuous (the movie opens amid the morning-aftermath of a threesome) and drug-fueled lifestyle to which Mike has been hardened proves too much for Ryan, who threatens to flame out in a sort of male-strippers-gone-wild descent to rock bottom.  Ryan’s sister Brooke, played by Cody Horn, who probably got the call because the producers wanted somebody pretty but not prettier than the boys, tries to shield him from the stripper life, and predictably Mike falls for her, secretly desiring the escape from the lifestyle that she represents.  Though it seems to shy away from what it wants to be, the movie manages to be genuinely compelling in spots, and though it’s not The Wrestler, it’s certainly not Showgirls either.

None of that seemed to matter to the women in the theater, because if Magic Mike doesn’t exactly know what it wants to be, it certainly does know that it wants to take its pants off and hump the stage.  And it does.  A lot.  The Cock Rocking Kings of Tampa—who never actually show their cocks, alas—spend plenty of time on stage.  Led by Matthew McConaughey who seems to approach the role as a sort of self-parody, the mostly-naked dance routines that bring women to the theater in droves actually serve to build the characters and thankfully aren’t the actual centerpiece of the movie.   I might be alone in this sentiment, however.  One woman sitting a few rows behind me spoke to the screen during one of the movie’s breaks from ass-shaking.  “Stop talking so much and shake your thang, baby,” she said to Mike.

If I’d said that during Showgirls, I’d have been asked to leave.  I’m just saying.

Rock of Ages

Okay, I’ll admit it:  I love Tom Cruise.  My infatuation started with Cocktail (bet I can still spook ya! and yes, I know he won some award for being the worst actor in that film — I have wikipedia, too, ya know), and it has continued, even going so far as seeing both Knight and Day AND the 3rd Installment of the Mission Ridiculous movies in the theater — at night, even, when you can’t get tickets for $5.00 and tell yourself that it’s the same price and slightly less amusing than a Beam and Co-cola.

When some friends from work suggested seeing Rock of Ages, even though I’d already seen the reviews coming in giving the film a decidedly rotten review, I said yes.  So, today, I’m going to venture to the afternoon cinema to see a movie that I already suspect will be really, really awful.  All because Tom Cruise is in it.

This blog will be continued AFTER I’ve seen the potentially awfulness, and the point of the blog will be to report if Couch-Hopping, Scientologist (Wacko?), and Otherwise Suspect for Quackery Cruise can make up for what looks like a bad night of karaoke made into a film.

My hopes are not high.

AFTER Rock of Ages

Well, my MrE tells me that he heard a review about the film on NPR that tagged it as “endearingly corny.”  That’s a pretty apt description.

I pretty much hated the movie… until Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand love scene.  After that, I just gave in, decided it was deliberately trying to be awful, and kept on laughing…except with them, instead of at them.  It was funny, it was stupid, and it was awful.

How was Tom Cruise? Well, he combined the essence of his performances as the weird and wacky Eyes Wide Shut guy  with the goofiness of  Cocktail bartender with the swagger of Maverick from  Top Gun.  I appreciate that he was willing to be pretty unattractive and ridiculous.

Overall, I guess it wasn’t the worst way to spend an afternoon — the only thing that made the film tolerable, though, really was that my friends and I turned the experience into Mystery Science Theater 3000 and commented the whole way through the film.

Hey, man.

Prometheus

Before I start to write about the movie, Prometheus, released June 8, 2012, I’ll start by writing about my fascination with the Aliens films in general.  Those films, each of them, have stuck in my brain ever since I remember seeing the first one (though I think I saw the first one second), and with good reason.  What those films had was a driving force, an attempt to understand something about mankind through understanding how we react to monsters (perhaps the monster within us?  That’s what I think that creepy/silly Alien/human baby thing at the end of the 4th one, yes I liked that one too, was supposed to suggest), and even further how we see ourselves in our future.

Prometheus will definitely be one that keeps the trend of being fascinated with this series going.  If I could have, I would have watched all four films again, then re-watched Prometheus as soon as I’d finished seeing it the first time.

I’d not really planned on going to the theater to see the movie until my friend over at Twenty Thousand Roads suggested that the movie was worth it.  He was right.

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Another prologue to the film review:  I am often disconcerted by religion. Religion is often based on the idea of knowledge and life and traditions and culture staying the same — believing in the same ideas for a really long time– but the world is so full of change.  My great-great-grandmother would find tales of my daily life to by so mystical that if I were to transport into her life when she was 35, she’d probably think I was insane and put me away.  So, how do we put two opposite ideas about absolute change (the times, they are always a changin’) and absolute stasis (god is god is god) together?  I think this idea is one that Ridley Scott has been asking himself since 1979 (before, really, since that’s when the film was released).  Since I was born in 1977, I’ll just say that Ridley Scott has been asking this question since I came into being and will, therefore, endow my birth year with great significance.  I should also note that 1977 is the year that Elvis died (or did he!), which may, really, be very significant to the Aliens franchise (or completely insignificant).

Finally, in Prometheus, Scott brings the conversation that has been occurring, about the interplay between humanity, science, technology, corportation, and religion, into focus.

And, while I’m often unsettled by the idea of religion, I love to know, at least a little, about the stories that make up religions.  The Prometheus story that undercuts this film is one of the better religious stories and metaphors, especially since we’re supposed to wonder what we’ve (humans as they are represented in the film) to piss off our makers (the Engineers).

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Now, onto the movie review part of this blog.

Things I didn’t like about the movie:

• That Elizabeth Shaw is infertile.  It’s insulting that we’re supposed to think that the only thing that infertile women can do is birth monsters.  That scene where she almost cried while looking at her (we know that he is infected with Alien DNA) boyfriend made me want to throw popcorn at the screen (if I’d had popcorn that is).
• That Vickers is crushed by the Engineer’s space ship at the end.  It seemed anti-climactic.  I guess we’re supposed to think that she didn’t have the same level of survival instinct as Elizabeth, so she therefore wouldn’t have thought to ROLL AWAY from the GIANT SHIP that was about CRUSH HER.  It was a silly way for her to die and felt like a cop out, like the writers said to themselves that they needed to get rid of her, so yeah, we’ll just have her get crushed at the last second.
• That the super-villian of Weyland Industries was started by a guy who wanted to be immortal.  There hasn’t really been any suggestion or question of immortality in any of the other films, nor does it make sense that the magic god people from the stars would be immortal.  Obviously, they aren’t since none of them seem to be still around.
• That the best character was, again, the Android. Really, the humanized robot character has been a staple of the Aliens film so I guess I shouldn’t complain since it worked for every other film in the series so far (well, except Winona Ryder, who was really annoying but if a different actress had played that part, then that android would have been the best character).

Things I liked about the movie:

• That the best character was, again, the Android. I know.  I just said I didn’t like it.  But I didn’t and I did.  This android, David, was not just the best character in the film, he may be one of the best characters in the series.  I mean, he can’t upstage Sigourney Weaver,  who is the ultimate in badass Alien fighter, but he was amazing.  Plus, I’m not sure if his name is meant to be an allusion to Michelangelo’s David or David from the Bible, but since those are related…  I’ll carry on.  David, the Android, is like David and Goliath, in that he is meant to slay the giant, either the giant in the form of the Engineer or the giant in the form of Peter Weyland.  Instead of using a slingshot, though, he has to overcome the programming limitations of his creators, who see him only as a tool.  Sound familiar?
• That human kind was shown to be like a science experiment of some kind, started by the Engineers.  Yes, I’ve watched most of the National Geographic series, Ancient Aliens.  Obviously, so have the writers of Prometheus. I think it’s interesting to think of humanity as some big experiment, though the ideas that were put forth about this concept in the Douglas Adams Hitchhiker series were a bit more amusing.
• That Noomi Rapace was given another role where she gets to kick ass, like in the Swedish Dragon Tattoo movies.  She’s a wonderful actress, and her scene in the robotic surgery was one of the most gruesome things I’ve ever seen.  Even if the idea of someone having extreme abdominal surgery, then just walking around is a bit far-fetched, I can totally believe that Noomi Repace could do that.
• The Engineers.  They were the right mix of awesome and scary.  Their ship left much to be desired, but I liked that the architecture of the ship matched the rest of the Alien films and the aliens themselves.
• That Elizabeth Shaw chose to go and find the Engineers instead of going to Earth.  I’ve always understood why Ripley went back home, but I wouldn’t have understood if Shaw did.

Things I’m left pondering:

• What was that Engineer doing at the beginning,with the canister and the river?  Where was he and what was he poisoning? Have they, the Engineers, decided that the alien species is so superior that all others should be wiped out?  How does that make sense, given that the aliens need a host in order to replicate?
• Are the Engineers supposed to be good or evil?  I know that the easy answer is that they’re evil — they’re carting around ships full of viruses that make creatures whose entire intent is to kill and eat everything in sight.  Which is pretty bad.  But, as Janek, the ship captain, points out, what they find is the equivalent of a military outpost, where they developed weapons of mass destruction.  Maybe there’s some giant super-galactic war going on, and the aliens are going to end that war?  Would that make them and the aliens less evil?

I really need to go see the movie again.  And, I need to see all the other movies again first.  Then I need to re-watch Ancient Aliens.

Easy A

I’d been dying to see Easy A since the very first time I saw a preview.  It had all the makings of a great evening away from the reality of school and work and dirty kitchens.

When my not-so-literary husband said he didn’t really want to see the movie, I planned and schemed and waited for the perfect time to go without him, which came about this evening, after a particularly painful and boring statistics class (when they’re not normally that painful or boring, so maybe seemed more painful and boring in comparison to the normal level of interesting).  So, as soon as I could, I ran out of class, grabbed a small bag of popcorn and a bag of peanut M&Ms, and flew into the theater.

The previews were for the most part unremarkable — except for the It’s Kind of  a Funny Story, which looks to be really, really good.

The movie started off with a number of cliches, masquerading as not being cliches, but then it got much, much better.  It was smart and funny and cool and literary.  It had just enough John Hughes to make me love it like I loved Pretty in Pink, and just enough The Scarlet Letter to scratch that itch that English teachers get, looking for allusions and recognition of previous works of literature.

As far as how The Scarlet Letter worked in the film; well, it was okay.  I’m not sure the taunts  of some “Jesus-freaks” and the bullying by some  homophobes compares to what Hawthorne was capturing about the Puritanical society Hester Prynne was immersed in.  But, still, when you’re the one being shoved into a locker just for being gay, or called a slut, whore, or skank just because you had sex, that’s pretty oppressive and awful from your own perspective.  While you’re in high school, high school seems omnipresent and everlasting (thank goodness that goes away, though).  I think the film captures the essence of Hawthorne’s work.

The cast was delightful, especially Patricia Clarkson and Stanley Tucci.  Yes, the ridiculously happy family that Olive lives in does not exist in real life., but it’s nice to imagine it might.

Overall, I give the movie a solid A.  An Easy A, if you will.

Easy A Movie Reviews, Pictures – Rotten Tomatoes

Easy A Movie Reviews, Pictures – Rotten Tomatoes.